Sunday, December 21, 2008
What's leftSo, i haven't been blogging much. Not that i don't want to, it's just that there's nothing much to blog about, life has been going on in its same monotonous pace, and i've been busy doing the things i told myself i would do when the O'levels ended.
It just shocks me deeply that i have barely two weeks left before i'm going to be in another part of the world - which might as well be called another WORLD, due to the many differences between that place and this country.
And there's so little time to spend with the people that matter to me most, namely my family and friends. Yes, family. Referring to the post below, i had a fall out with my mother because she kept critisizing something which i like. So what she said might be true, but the way she said it... It's enough to make you explode. (Explode as in, anger explode.)
I still don't want kids, by the way.Lol. I have come up with a theory - no offense to anyone - that the less people in your life, the better. Of course i don't mean my family and friends, the most important people in my life who give me support, or help me when i'm down. I mean, like kids. Because as long as you have a spouse i think you'll feel as though you have enough company?
I mean i don't know, i don't mean to sound like some jaded person who's seen all the troubles in this world. I do have troubles, yes, but compared to some other people they are neglegible and insignificant.
But i'm allergic to disappointment. I feel this particular pang of pain somewhere deep down when i see someone who's disappointed in me. The pain of inadequacy.
So, partially based on that post below, and partially due to the several episodes where people have been disappointed in me, i do not want to have children. I don't want to be a mother who's not good enough, and i don't want to have children who i feel don't give me what i deserve. In short, i just want to be surrounded by the people i
need in life, not the ones i
want. But maybe my wants and needs will change in the future, just as anything else.
Right, so all that babbling on children above just made me remember a couple of things - there have been really good news for the past few days, thanks to God.
1) I've officially received my UK visa, which means it's confirmed that i'm going to study overseas. Now i'm just worried about how much i will get for my O levels,because even though i won't be in Singapore to collect it, i still want to have a decent score. -.-
2) I LOST FOUR KG IN TOTAL! WOOOOHOOOHOOOHOOOHOOO. Although, i still have (x-4)kg to go, and x ain't a small amount. (I do hope people realise that weight loss isn't only about how it looks, it's also about health and fitness. I am born in a family where cancer, diabetes, obesity, high blood pressure etc are very,
very common. So to not be the next one, i'll have to change my lifestyle to a healthy one.)
I still haven't accomplised the most important thing in my life - to be a better Muslim. I planned to do a lot of things in this area but i have not. I'm still planning... And hopefully i do the things i planned soon...
-_- indecisive and procrastinating. The usual. I listened to this religious talk by an Imam or something, i forgot, not too long ago, and he said that life is like a you, a traveller, resting under a tree while you are in a desert - never get too comfortable in it because you'll have to move on. Something along those lines. I'm trying to remember that life is not permanent and that i'm going to be held accountable for everything i've done in life, but it just slips off my memory sometimes...
And I honestly hope studying won't be so painful in college. I actually like studying and learning new things, just not for exams. I
abhor exams.
But yeah. I feel like a traveller now. I'll just pick up these mistakes i've made and the people i've hurt and move on, hopefully not making the same mistakes again.
inside out at 11:48 PM
