Tuesday, November 25, 2008
y'know, saying
ARGH, WTF, WTH, WTFH, ZOMGSH, WHAT IN THE WORLD...?, HOLY SHIT and
F*CK will
not sum up the regret and anger i feel now.
i'm not going to elaborate because i want to push negative thoughts as far away as possible from me, but i just want to say this : forgiveness does NOT equate to being forgotten.
if anything, it's etched in your memory like a permanent hideous scar.
especially when it has long-term consequences.
like, i don't know, sort of ruining your future for a start?
i feel like kicking myself in the ass.
Why and
how the hell did i get myself in such a state? Now the people who GENUINELY care about me are going to suffer with me as well.
Oh sorry, wrong way to put it. I meant suffer
because of me.
this message is to my friends and anyone out there who cares if i live or die : If you see something similar happening to me, PLEASE tell me. Give me a slap in the face, a pinch on my arm, or anything which serves as a wake up call.
Because decisions on impulse - and emotional impulse at that - are the worst decisions.
I so hate consequences.
I think i can be pretty mature but i think what holds me back from having an adult mind is the fact that i make decisions based on stupid impulses and then find it impossible to take the consequences.
and i am aware of myself being an emotional person, etc but some things are not worth feeling bad for. why i didn't see it at that point of time, is a wonder.
eurgh and i hate it when people act as though nothing has happened. it's so disgusting on their part.
disgusting, ah. that's the right word to sum up this mess.
i don't like school and won't miss for a couple of reasons, but one main reason, and this is my fault, is that i've made far too many mistakes in this school. yes, mistakes will make me learn.
but to rectify them. and to face the consequences. agonizing is an understatement. you'll just hate yourself.
this sucks. seriously. and i don't mean to sound whiny, but i mean it.
---
well on a lighter note, bibah and tipa and i went out today to watch madagascar 2. It was pretty funny, though i think the first one was better.
And i love king julian, seriously.
=)
broke my diet for the hundredth time in two weeks and ate ice cream with tipa. tipa's ice cream was gorgeous but i kept reminding myself of the way i pant and feel tired in gym, and in the end i didn't buy a second helping of ice cream yayee
(omg, what an accomplishment. -_- people on real diets won't even go five metres near ice cream)
and HURRAY I RESERVED A TOKIO HOTEL CD! Paid ten bucks for it. They better give it to me quick! :[
And apparently the salesman said that recently "more people have been interested in the band" and "many people have been asking for the cd"..
.... ida. you know what this means. tokio hotel fans are among us....
it's annoying. haha atifa said she'll know how it feels if every other girl she sees squeals 'GASPARD'.
i don't like it when bands i like go mainstream. sometimes it's how i discover bands but other times i just want to keep it low. I want to like something unique. so when every other person likes the same thing... it somehow loses its uniqueness.
Someone i know described it as being in a huge swimming pool alone and enjoying yourself, when suddenly a whole bunch of people come in.
And i think that's a very accurate description.
----
Thanks to my sinful bingeing, i've put on one kg of the three i lost.
This reinforces what i said on top about consequences.
-_-
Oh well. Back to the gym tomorrow, the next day, the day after that, and so on.
inside out at 3:46 PM
